PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME

Review: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

2 stars (out of 5)
By R. Kurt Osenlund

With the huge success of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films still fresh in their minds, Jerry Bruckheimer and the rest of the folks behind “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” no doubt thought, “if we can turn an amusement park ride into a fun, mega-popular adventure movie, then doing the same with a video game franchise should be a snap, right?” Wrong. The only lightning striking again here is that which zaps the roadside tree in Bruckheimer's snazzy opening logo. Directed by Mike Newell and released, like “Pirates,” under the Walt Disney banner, “Prince of Persia” has a few minor charms tucked under its kaftan, but it's chiefly a series of hollow chase scenes, not a one of them rousing. And the whole production is so awash in artificialness, it may just as well have remained pixelated...or, been turned into an amusement park ride.

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CASINO JACK AND THE UNITED STATES OF MONEY

Review: Casino Jack and the United States of Money

4 stars (out of 5)

By R. Kurt Osenlund

An e-mail message appears on the screen at the beginning of “Casino Jack and the United States of Money,” Alex Gibney's overwhelmingly informative documentary about the career and downfall of infamous Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff. The e-mail – one of many that Abramoff apparently typed and sent with reckless abandon – reads, “Why would you want to make a documentary? No one watches documentaries. You should make an action film!” One eventually gathers that the message must have been written around the time that Abramoff, also a former film producer, nixed the notion of peddling a documentary about a GOP summit he hosted in Angola, and instead reimagined the events in the form of “Red Scorpion,” the 1989 Dolph Lundgren actioner and alleged vehicle for Abramoff's freedom-fighter fantasies (of the film's copious setups and subplots, this is one of the most entertaining).

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ROBIN HOOD

Review: Robin Hood (2010)

4 stars (out of 5)
By R. Kurt Osenlund

I'm deeply invested in the Robin Hood legend. Three of the more than 30 films that have featured the famous bandit – “The Adventures of Robin Hood” with Errol Flynn, Disney's foxy animated classic, and the 1991 Kevin Costner flick, “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” – were staples of my youth. As a boy, I made arrows from twigs and turned my parents' backyard into my very own Sherwood Forest. I amassed a collection of Robin Hood books and even dressed up as Robin Hood for Halloween – twice. So I think I'm as qualified as anyone to complain that Ridley Scott's “Robin Hood,” an ambitiously epic origin story, abandons the saga's comfy hallmarks, lacking a single scuffle with the Sheriff of Nottingham, killing off King Richard the Lionheart in the first act and – gasp! – boasting only one scene that depicts anything close to robbing from the rich and giving to the poor.

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IRON MAN 2

Review: Iron Man 2

3.5 stars (out of 5)

By R. Kurt Osenlund

What really flies throughout much of “Iron Man 2” isn't a jet-propelled, metal-suited superhero, but the dizzying, verbose rantings of star Robert Downey Jr., who long ago mastered the art of adding extra spark to snappy lines written especially for him, or, at least, for someone with his cocksure demeanor (see: “Natural Born Killers,” “Tropic Thunder,” “Sherlock Holmes”). The team behind the original “Iron Man” made the very best use of Downey's special gifts, brilliantly casting him – and not some obvious 25-year-old heartbreaker – as Tony Stark, Marvel Comics' profoundly arrogant playboy billionaire, whose shift from weapons manufacturer to one-man-weapon-for-peace only further validated his womanizing, wisecracking lifestyle. The formula worked like gangbusters, and half the fun was watching Downey dive into a character that, to him and to us, was only too familiar.

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A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET

Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
1.5 stars (out of 5)
By R. Kurt Osenlund

I could blister my fingertips typing away about the problems with Hollywood's remake obsession, and how even in my circle of friends there are aspiring screenwriters whose work is more worthy of big-screen treatment than another rehashing of a popular film or TV show, but I'm particularly put off by the ceaseless Xeroxing of iconic horror flicks. Apart from Zack Snyder's near-masterful 2004 revival of George Romero's “Dawn of the Dead,” has a single title in the new wave of nail-biters worked? Now, I'm not talking about box-office success, since we all know every young person between 14 and 22 will hand over 10 bucks so they can amp up their heart rates and cradle their honeys during the really icky parts. But as far as artistic merit or even genuine entertainment value are concerned, from “House of Wax” to “The Last House on the Left,” these movies live in one dull and dismal neighborhood.

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